Oh, what a tangled web we weave... Joseph Kopera (61), head of the Maryland state police firearms unit, was often called on for expert testimony in court cases. To establish his credentials for the jury, he would rattle off a list of his college degrees.
"He's one of the most compelling experts I've seen in a courtroom," said defence attorney Roland Walker, who has worked on at least 50 cases Kopera was involved in.
There was one little problem, though: Kopera's degrees were invented, found investigators from The Innocence Project, which works to free people wrongly convicted. Confronted with this, Kopera immediately retired from his career of 37 years, went home and shot himself dead.
Possibly an over reaction, but who's the expert?
The website www.changethatsrightnow.com, which offers advice on how to "live free of fears, phobias and anxiety attacks", defines phone phobia as "a persistent, abnormal and unwarranted fear of telephones". It says helpfully: "To learn more about our 24-Hour Phone Phobia Program, please call us at 1-800-..."
A British Airways flight attendant, on landing in Cape Town recently, welcomed travellers to "the Mother City". Then she quickly explained that for those who didn't know why Cape Town was called the Mother City, it's because it takes nine months for anything to happen!
In the cooking section of Exclusive Books in Hyde Park Corner mall, among culinary titles by Jamie Oliver, Nigella Lawson and others, stands the proud spine of Laura Hillenbrand's best-selling Seabiscuit. No horsing around.
A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading politician and member of the congregation was asked to make the presentation and give a speech. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife and taken illegal drugs.
"I was appalled, but as the days went on I got to know that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good, loving people."
As the priest finished, the politician arrived, full of apologies for being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.
"I'll never forget the first day our priest arrived," said the politician. "I had the honour of being the first to go to him in confession."
Moral of the story? Never be late.
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