Bureaucracy is alive and well, a reader tells us.
He recently applied to MWeb to upgrade his dial-up Internet access to 3G, and duly sent in the forms, complete with the requested gross income, and advising that he was self-employed. He was advised that the application was incomplete as there was no pay slip attached. He pointed out that he was self-employed, but was told such a letter was mandatory.
So, on his business letterhead, he wrote his income and signed it. This was accepted!
Now he is wondering if he can write his own credit rating.
In an assault and battery trial at the Johannesburg magistrate's court, the defendant was being cross-examined by the state prosecutor:
Lawyer: "Mr Dube, did you beat your wife?"
Dube: "No, I did not."
Lawyer: "Then how did she acquire the bruises on her body?"
Dube: "She was running away and tripped and fell."
Lawyer: "But sir, why was she running away?"
Dube, with gusto: "Clearly, she's a coward."
NEWS24 had it in an article that "On November 20 last year, Sabastian Bosse, 18, opened fire at his former school in Emsdetten before killing himself. Five people were wounded and dozens injured."
It makes you wonder how many more were hurt.
Anglo American kindly invited analysts, members of the media and their families to this week's annual Christmas party at 44 Main Street.
The party, said the invitation, would be "hosted by Cynthia Carol". Was this a rare example of corporate wit, taking a cue from the season to be jolly? Sadly not. A second invitation rendered the CEO's surname correctly (and unfestively) as "Carroll".
A widowed woman is sunbathing on a beach. A man walks up, places his blanket on the sand next to her and begins reading a book.
Smiling, she tries to strike up a conversation. "Hello, sir, how are you?"
"Fine, thank you," he says, turning back to his book.
"Do you come here often?" she asks.
"First time since my wife passed away two years ago," he replies, turning back to his book.
"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband died three years ago and I am also very lonely. Do you live around here?" she asks.
"Yes, I live over in Suntree," he answers, and again resumes reading his book.
Trying to find a common interest, she persists. "Do you like pussycats?"
He drops his book, jumps on her and makes passionate love to her.
When the cloud of sand begins to settle, she gasps and asks: "How did you know that was what I needed?"
He gasps: "How did you know my name is Katz?"
An ad in Business Day last week called for a sushi chef and promised: "This is a permanent possession with a fixed monthly salary."
And we thought the days of slavery were history.
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