There's a new Barbie on the market. It comes with no shoes, no clothes, no make-up, no car, no food, no house, no farm. It's called Zimbarbie.She has a pet cow - Mooogarbie.
Zimbabweans have a well-known gift for choosing names that reflect the times.
Here are some examples of names of babies born in local clinics and hospitals after the recent harmonised elections in Zimbabwe :
Runoff Moyo, Senatorial Chirumhanzu, Candidate Pote, Independent Maposa, Rigging Hamadziripi, Rerun Mombeshora, Electoral Commission Ndlovu, Observer Chimunda, Neck To neck Nyamadzawo, Sadhaki (SADC) Sibanda, Heavy Weight Utaunashe, Fifty-three percent Ndlondlo, Released Results Matongo, Verification Chinengundu, Free-and-fair Pazvakawambwa, Rural stronghold Khaliyathi, Constituency Madison, Polling station Ndebele, Ballotbox & Ballotpaper Kunonga (twins), and Majority rule Dhliwayo.
Umgeni Water placed an advertisement in Sunday papers recently inviting applications to serve on its audit committee.
Intriguingly, one of the evaluation criteria for the job is that the applicant "must be an unrehabilitated insolvent".
The department of public enterprises, meanwhile, is advertising in the latest issue of Railways Africa magazine (and elsewhere) a newly created, R540 000/year position in an entity that technically no longer exists.
"The Director: Rail Transport will provide critical input in the oversight of Transnet to ensure that the public operator Spoornet provides appropriate rail infrastructure and services to the economy. This will be done in the context of Spoornet's role in the overall railway industry," says the advert.
But nobody seems to have told the department that Spoornet - pinpointed five times in the ad - ceased to exist a long time ago, when Maria Ramos renamed it Transnet Freight Rail.
At the end of the tax year, Sars sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the rabbi and said: "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"
"Good question," replied the rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," said the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But he persisted:
"What about all these bread-wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"
"Ah, yes," replied the rabbi, realising the inspector was trying to trap him. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread-wafers."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the rabbi.
"Well, rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the rabbi.
"What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."
The Zim jokes continue to pour in :
Q: What's the capital of Zimbabwe?
A: About five American dollars.
Robert Mugabe was recently asked when he was going to bid the people of Zimbabwe farewell.
Looking puzzled, he replied: "Where are they going?"
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