A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York, where a woman can go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:- You may visit this store only once.
- There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the flights.
- The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but she cannot go back down except to exit the building.
A hopeful woman visits the store. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: "These men have jobs!" She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: "These men have jobs and love kids."
"That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more." She continues upward. The third floor sign reads: "These men have jobs, love kids, and are very good-looking."
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. On the fourth floor sign she reads: "These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good-looking and help with housework."
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: "These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with housework, and have a strong romantic streak."
She is so tempted to stay, but goes to the sixth floor anyway. There the sign reads: "You are visitor 31 456 012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store."
In Stuttgart, Germany, a court judge must decide on a case of honourable intentions in a situation where a man hired his neighbour to get his wife pregnant.
It seems that Demetrius Soupolos, 29, and his former beauty queen wife, Traute, wanted a child, but Soupolos was told by a doctor that he was sterile. So Soupolos hired his neighbour, Frank Maus (34), to impregnate her. Since Maus was already married and the father of two children, plus looked very much like Soupolos, the plan seemed good. Soupolos paid Maus à2 500 for the job, and for three evenings a week for the next six months, Maus tried desperately, a total of 72 different times, to impregnate Traute.
When his own wife objected, he explained: "I don't like this any more than you do. I'm simply doing it for the money. Try to understand."
When Traute failed to get pregnant after six months, however, Soupolos insisted that Maus have a medical exam.
The doctor's announcement that Maus was also sterile shocked everyone except Maus's wife, who was forced to confess that Maus was not the real father of their two children. Now Soupolos is suing Maus for breach of contract in an effort to get his money back, but Maus refuses to return it. He says he did not guarantee conception, but only that he would make an honest effort.
A teacher is talking to her class. She says : "Please put your hands up if you want to go to heaven."
The whole class puts their hands up except a little boy sitting at the back of the room.
The teacher asks the little boy: "Why don't you want to go to heaven?"
The little boy answers: "My dad told me to come straight home after school."
A doctor on his morning walk notices an old woman sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walks up to her and says: "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"
"I smoke 10 cigars a day," she says. "B efore I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink half a bottle of Jack Daniel's every night, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don't exercise at all."
The doctor says: "That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"
"Thirty-four," she replies.
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