Surely, the prize for the most wasted adspend of the week must go to Wild Frontiers' offering in the Sunday Times travel & food section promoting 11-day holiday packages to Mexico?A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun. He shouts: "This is a robbery. Everybody get down on the floor."
He then proceeds to empty the cash drawers. As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava. The robber shoots the customer and shouts: "Did anybody else here see my face?"
The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and promptly goes over and shoots him too.
"Did anybody else see my face?" he shouts again, waving his gun around.
There is silence for a few seconds before a female voice is heard from a distant corner.
"I think my husband caught a glimpse."
Attorney: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Attorney: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Attorney: "And for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Attorney: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Attorney: "How can you be so sure, doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Attorney: "I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law."
A manager of an electronics company arrives early at work one morning and answers a phone call. The man on the other side of the line wants to speak to an engineer. The manager informs him that the engineer has not yet arrived at work as it is before office hours, but proceeds to invite the caller to tell him what the problem is so he can try to solve it.
"What's your position there?" asks the caller.
"I'm the manager," is the reply.
There is a pause, then the caller says: "I wanted to talk to someone
with some knowledge of electronics, but never mind, I'll call back during office hours."
Two Arab fundamentalists Coke."
"Don't get up," says the rabbi, "I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for you."
As soon as he leaves, one of the Arabs picks up the rabbi's shoe and spits in it. When the rabbi returns with the Coke, the other Arab says: "That looks good, I'd really like one, too."
Again, the rabbi obligingly goes to fetch it. While he is gone the other Arab picks up the rabbi's other shoe and spits in it.
When the rabbi returns, they all sit back and enjoy the flight. As the plane is landing, the rabbi slips his feet into his shoes and knows immediately what has happened. He leans over and asks the two Arabs: "Why does it have to be this way? How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in Cokes?"
Some said that a black man would become a US president only "when pigs fly". And, indeed, 100 days into Obama's presidency... Swine Flu.
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