An English teacher tells the class: "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool."From the back of the room a voice calls out: "So, what are the words?"
A man is just waking up from anaesthesia after surgery, and his wife is sitting by his side. His eyes flutter open and he says: "You're beautiful."
Then he falls asleep again. His wife has never heard him say that before, so she stays by his side.
A few minutes later his eyes flutter open and he says: "You're cute."
The wife is disappointed because instead of beautiful, she is now cute.
She asks: "What happened to beautiful?"
The man replies: "The drugs are wearing off."
As a senior citizen is driving down the freeway, his cellphone rings. Answering, he hears his wife's voice urgently warning him: "Humbert, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the N3. Please be careful."
"Heck," says Humbert, "it's not just one car. There's hundreds of them."
While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Gatiep and his wife, Meraai listen to the instructor declare:
"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife's favourite flower?"
Gatiep leans over, touches his wife's arm and whispers: "Self-raising, n≖?"
A woman's diary for June 27 2009:
"Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely.
"I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and was a bit late meeting him, thought it might be that.
"The bar was really crowded and loud, so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat.
"All through dinner he just didn't seem himself. He didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong.
"He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in. He hesitated but followed. I asked him what was wrong, but he just shook his head and turned the television on.
"After about 10 minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile.
"He didn't follow me up immediately but came up later and, to my surprise, we made love. But he still seemed distant. I cried myself to sleep. I think he's planning to leave me. Maybe he's found someone else."
The man's diary : " Boks lost the rugby. Gutted. Got a shag though."
After meeting with the boss, the head salesperson musters the troops.
"People," she says, "I've just been informed that we're going to be having a fire sale."
"A fire sale?" asks one agent. "But we sell insurance."
"I said a fire sale, and I meant it. It's quite simple really: anyone who doesn't make a sale gets fired."
Four elderly women are sitting at the entrance to their old age home when an elderly man carrying a suitcase walks up to the building.
"Welcome," says the first woman. "Where do you come from?"
"Pollsmoor prison," says the man.
"Oh, how long were you there?" asks the second woman.
"Twenty years," replies the man.
"Goodness me, that was a long time. What did you do?" asks the third woman.
"I murdered my wife," comes the reply.
The fourth woman: "So you're single?"
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